Monday Blues

Work has really been getting me down lately. I want so badly to be challenged and to use my skills in a meaningful and productive way. I have so much to give and such value to add to the College, but it is incredibly hard to remember those things when I am pigeonholed into a position I don't belong in.

When I started a little more than a year ago, I felt like I had a lot of people behind me wanting me to succeed, learn and grow. Now that my first year is behind me, though, I no longer feel like I have room to grow in my department. And that is incredibly frustrating.

I know what I want to do. I want to work with students. I want to interact with them and help them and know that I'm making a difference to someone, somewhere. It's hard to see how that's possible where I'm at, and it's making me second guess my next steps.

Although I love the College itself. I could see myself there for my career. I believe in the College and its values and purpose. We mesh on a deep level. It makes me sad to think of leaving, but without a clear path forward, I think it's inevitable.

B and I are in limbo waiting for him to pass through backgrounds at a couple of different departments. Wherever he gets hired, whatever he decides can majorly change where I look and where I end up over the course of the next year.

I'm a planner, so not being able to plan is also driving me nuts. Thank god for exercise. It's the only thing right now that lets me de-stress and chill.

Today was NROL Stage 1 Workout A. It felt good. I didn't up any weights this time around. I'll add on squats and row next time though only a minor amount on each.

Tomorrow  is a run day. I think I'm going to run two miles as fast as I can. We'll see how it goes. A sub-20 would be ideal.